Did I mention that I hate winter?

A branch on the maple tree in our front yard. Usually it's several feet higher than this.

Grass-sickle anyone?

Ice-laden fir tree

Winter wonderland?

Noone's home.

Had a big ice storm last night/this morning. It took us fifteen minutes to get the car doors open, using boiling water, etc. We wouldn't have ventured outside, but we had Sunday school. There was a bird frozen to a tree on campus. I didn't see it, but all the kids were talking about it. Thankfully the sun is out this afternoon and the ice is falling off the trees, so we may not lose too many more branches.

Boo-yah

Free Rice. Reached level 50 today. Didn't stay there. But still.

Random

No miraculous mood change yet. When I wake up in the morning I use my light and I feel like I have more energy afterward, but I don't feel particularly happy. I'm not feeling the deep sadness of before either. So I'm just kind of minorly depressed. Which I guess is better.

I got more feedback from my students' surveys. And I felt really good about it. I'm starting to think maybe I should be a teacher. But right now I'm just doing this part time-two classes. I can't imagine teaching full-time. So I guess I still don't know what to do with my life.

I caught Pounce halfway up the Christmas tree the other day. Now we have to watch out for that.

Two weeks from tomorrow Christmas vacation begins. That's a little hard to believe. I have no idea how I've gotten halfway through this school year. And second semester always flies by, so I'm practically done with this year. We're going to Florida for Christmas. Maybe the warmer weather and time with family will do the trick.

It keeps snowing here. It's not accumulating. Probably because of the wind. I guess all the snow we had here is probably down in Virginia by now.

I've gotten up to level 48 on freerice. And I've donated more than 80,00 grains of rice.

And that's about it.

Blessings

I have amazing friends. Sometimes I forget, because they're far away, and I'm not really good at staying in touch. But then they remind me. They are generous and thoughtful. And amazing.


Here I am in the light of my new light box. If you know what I'm talking about, thank you. You made my life a better place to be.


And, as promised, pictures of Pounce and the Christmas tree. I think this is quintessential Pounce. Curious and in your face.


Our giant tree.


An angel ornament that I inherited from my grandma. (I love angel ornaments and joy ornaments. You get it, Angela Joy.)


I don't even know where the string came from, but Pounce loves it.

The principal came to observe my class this morning. I think it went alright. I have a counseling appointment tonight and good things to report. I have amazing friends and family. Even when it doesn't feel good, my life is very blessed. Also, if you haven't tried it yet, go to Freerice.com. I'm obsessed. I've donated more than 30,000 grains of rice in the last three days. That's a lot of vocabulary words. And a lot of life avoidance, but I'll deal with that later. At least it's for a good cause.

Where to begin?

This will probably be a ramble, because a lot has happened in two weeks, and I don't feel like sorting it all out.

So two weeks ago, I called the doctor's office and they couldn't get me in because they don't have my records yet from the other doctor's office. That meant no antidepressants. I cried on the phone with them. They didn't give in. I felt very frustrated. Here I am, really trying to do the right things for myself, and no one seemed to be willing to help me.

So the next day I was at my OBGYN to get my birth control shot and I told the nurse administering my shot what I was going through. I seriously broke down right there. I must have been convincing. She got me two prescriptions to hold me over until I can get in at the regular doctor. She was really nice. Here I am crying and hyperventilating and she's saying things like, "That's what we're here on earth for, to help each other." and "You're not crazy, we all go through rough times." So kudos to her, the only medical professional willing to do anything helpful for me.

Parent/teacher conferences went fine. I had to tell one set of parents that their son plagiarized his paper. They weren't happy with him.

The vice principal came to observe my class. I think it went well. We haven't talked about it yet. But I did get the results from my students' surveys. They were very positive. It made me feel like I could be a teacher after all...

It started snowing last Sunday before we started our drive to Louisville. It wasn't really sticking, but it was disappointing anyway. And gross. On our drive back on Saturday there was a lot of snow on the ground in western PA but none here.

I had a nice day with my sister. I think she had a good birthday. I met her new boyfriend, who seems very nice. It was good to be with family, even briefly.

I have a clothing budget of $50 per month. This month I got a pair of shoes, a dress, two shirts, a sweater/jacket, and a pair of capri/gauchos. Boo-yah. And with two dollars to spare.

Caught up on my sleep over the holidays. Still tired. Can't sleep. Should look into getting some Ambien.

Got our Christmas tree yesterday. We had to cut some of the top off so that it didn't hit the ceiling. A big difference over last year's Christmas bush. Pounce loves the tree and wants to climb it and play with the ornaments. Hopefully I'll get out the camera and pictures will follow.

Grades are due tomorrow and I still have grading and lesson planning to do, so I have to get back to work.

Pounce and more

For your viewing enjoyment: more pictures of Pounce. And what's going on in our lives? I can't sleep. I've had a sore throat and a wisdom tooth that is gnawing into my cheek. Which is pretty painful, as you may imagine. The hole in my cheek is kind of gross and impressive. But when I lay on my left side I wake up from the pain of my cheek hole being pushed into my wisdom tooth. I talked to a dentist I know and he's going to give me something to cauterize (sounds scary) the "wound." He said I don't have to have the tooth pulled right now. Which is what I've been worried about. Because I don't have time to have it pulled right now.

Yesterday we had Fall Festival here. I had a good time. I especially enjoyed hearing nice things about my husband. Two parents came up to Michael and told him that their children love his classes and talk about him and their classes. I beamed. It made Michael feel good too. I keep telling him that he's a good teacher and he should just stick it out for awhile. It's good to have reassurement from parents, though, and we don't get that a lot at boarding school. Really, it's good to get reassurement from anyone. Speaking of teaching, I have an administrator coming to observe my class tomorrow. That's stressful. Then sometime I'll have an evaluation. I guess if they tell me I'm a terrible teacher I can know that this is not the career that I got my degree for, and I'll move on to something else and they can just find a different teacher. For two classes. I know people are just falling over themselves to get this job. (cough, cough) Obviously, since they hired me out of desperation. Suckers.

Also, at the end of this week is Parent Weekend. Included in the fun and games are a parent/teacher forum where all the parents and teachers get together and the parents can ask any questions they like to anyone, and parent/teacher conferences. I learned last year that parent/teacher conferences weren't as bad as I feared. I'm hoping that my observation holds true for this year. So far, I only have two parents signed up to talk to me. That would be nice, but I'm sure it won't go down that way.

So that's some of the anxiety that I'm dealing with right now. I'm ready for this week to be over. Actually, I'd like to fast forward to exactly a week from now, when, hopefully, I'll be on my way to Nashville from Louisville to celebrate my sister's birthday. Sigh.



See, Michael's still around.



Shelby is starting to get irritated by Pounce. Pounce pounces on Shelby, especially her tail. Shelby doesn't like this much. Still, they have some sweet moments.



Just an autumnal view.



She's very playful.



I tricked her into climbing in there for a treat and then closed her in, turned the carton right side up, then released her. She didn't like it much, but it made for a cute picture. I put SoftClaws on her so that she can't scratch me or the furniture anymore. A good alternative to declawing. At first she fell alot when trying to jump onto things she used to be able to claw her way up. It was pretty funny. I hope you don't all think I'm a horrible person after this last paragraph. You've gotta take your laughs where you can get them. In case you're worried, I'm still her favorite person, so I must not be too mean.

Pounce de Lion

That's the official name. Whether it will stick or not I'm not sure. Mostly she goes by Pounce. She's 8 1/2 weeks old. She has become quite proficient at climbing legs. So I'm trying to dissuade her from that. Also, she's fascinated by the ceiling fan. She tried to climb up the bed post so that she could attack it. Several times she's fallen asleep on my lap, which is pretty much all I want from my animals. To cuddle. She's also getting quite vocal. If I'm not paying attention to her she wails. And meows. Endlessly until she's picked up. Soon after being picked up she wants to get down and play. Then she starts crying again because I'm not paying attention to her. She's already very good at using the litter box. We seem to have had one accident in the four days we've had her. Much better than Shelby as a puppy. Accidents all over the place.

Speaking of Shelby, she got sprayed by a skunk last night. I want to go back and check my posts from last year, but I think it's almost exactly the same time as when she was sprayed before. This time she didn't get as close and hence was not sprayed nearly as bad. We slathered her in tomato juice, dish soap, doggy shampoo and bubble bath. So far it seems to have worked. But last time, when we came home after letting her in the house we were nearly bowled over by the stench. It's the leaving then coming back that's the real test, so we'll see when we come home for lunch today whether our house seems habitable.

I wore a coat and scarf today. Probably if I weren't walking to work it wouldn't have been totally necessary, but I was and it was pretty cold and windy, of course. I think the weather has probably turned for worse. It's this time of year that I wonder whether I'll make it until April or May. Last April wasn't much good because it still snowed. And May was just OK. So here's to June. When I'll be happy again (I hope). Actually, I'm waiting to get in to see a doctor so that I can get on antidepressants, so it might not take that long to be happy again. We'll have to wait and see.

P.S. I did go back and check old posts and it was a year ago last Saturday night. So next November, remind me not to let Shelby outside at night.

The newest Shofner

We added a member over the weekend.







Shelby loves her. And she mostly ignores Shelby, but sometimes chases her or places with her tail. Sometimes they snuggle up together. She makes me happy. And she doesn't have a name yet (though I'm leaning towards Sadie or Thor) so I'm taking suggestions. We hope she'll grow up and eat lots of mice. (Did I mention we have a bit of a mouse problem?) And she likes me a lot. This morning when I was putting on makeup she meowed and complained that I wasn't paying attention to her. Then she climbed up my leg. Which was painful. But endearing.

Not much to tell

Most of last week was grey and/or rainy. Saturday it started rainy but the sun came out and ever since it's been partly sunny but getting chillier. We had our first frost last night. It was cold walking to work this morning.

I had my first session with a new counselor and I liked her. She seemed to get what's going on in my head and had some insights that hadn't occurred to me yet.

I'm going to try to get in to see a new doctor this week. I've decided that I need to get on antidepressants before winter comes because it's already too hard. And it's not lifting.

Three weeks until Thanksgiving break. Seven and a half weeks until Christmas break. Fortunately I have almost all my Christmas shopping done.

Had a quiet weekend. Read a lot. I'm re-reading The Lord of the Rings. I finished the first two books in less than a week. (anti-social behavior anyone?)

And other than getting through this week, that's about it.

There and back again

Ben came to visit over homeleave. A good time was had by... well, at least me. We had some pretty good food and we saw a good show in New York, among other things.



The naked cowboy. Of all the times I've been to New York, this is the first time I saw him. Given, a lot of the times I've been, it's been about 2o degrees outside. I wouldn't go out in that kind of weather in just my underwear. However I can't think of any time that I would go to Times Square in just my underwear.



Ben and me with all the theater billboards behind us.



And again.



Angela at the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.



Ben at the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.



Both of us at the Bee.



Home



Ben and me (with curly hair) before he left to go back home.



Pretty tree in my front yard.



Pretty leaves.



Me at home. Alone, but with curly hair.

Odd

I found myself happy to put on a light sweater this morning. Maybe it's just because it's almost like having new clothes when it's been so long since I wore it, but still, it was a good feeling. I didn't expect that. The weather has changed. On Tuesday it was so unbearably hot in my office that I left early. Seriously, it was about 86, and my office has no air conditioning or fan or anything in the way of a draft/breeze. Today the high is 59. That's cold to me. Plus there's the Nebraska-esque wind. Still, I was happy to put on my lavender sweater. Weird, huh?

Inspiration

Today is the anniversary of the birth of Eleanor Roosevelt, one of my heroines.

In her honor, a quote. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

She supported suffrage, civil rights and the end of child labor, among other things.

Her example encourages me to be a strong woman.

Reminder to self

This morning as I walked to work a thick fog surrounded me. Halfway through my walk I could see neither my house nor the school. (Usually I can see both.) I couldn't see the mountains beyond the school and the corn fields, which have already been mowed, seemed to drop off into nothing. It looked like the end of the world. Stark and grey. The silhouettes of broken corn stalks stabbing the horizon.

Then I looked up. About 100 feet up the sky was blue. The sun was shining.

It was a good example of what the last couple months have been like. I feel empty and I can't see very far around me, past my own nose, it seems; but if I can get my head up, there is light.

Update

I cleaned off my desk and spent several hours grading.

Something must be better.

"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all"

-Emily Dickinson

You get the idea

It's October. And I'm feeling ok about that, mostly because the high for the next few days is in the 80s. So theoretically I can still get out and walk happily for awhile. I've been walking to and from school as usual, but every day this week I also walked at least the one mile loop near our house. I don't feel better and most days I don't want to do it. But I walk anyway, because I believe that it might be helping, even though I don't feel it. And if it's not helping yet, maybe it will later. And even if it doesn't help my mood, it will help my body. Even if I can't tell that it's helping my body. And I can't tell yet. I believe.

I'm very tired because I have moved on to not sleeping well. I tried some whole vitamin things that were supposed to uplift my mood. Then I read the ingredients and they had bovine ovaries, brain and stomach and porcine heart. I didn't feel ok about that. Lifelong vegetarian. Couldn't handle it. So today I started SAM-e. We'll see.

The highlight of my life right now is the upcoming visit of Ben Yancer. Not to put any pressure on you, Ben. But old friends are the best friends and you're one of my oldest. I bought tickets to a show to see while he's here. I'm excited. I hear there's a lot of audience participation. I like that.

My lower right eyelid is swollen and red and painful. It's not very noticeable, but yet another thing that I should probably go to the doctor for, but probably won't. I didn't even tell you about the last thing, and I'm not going to now.

Michael is on supervision duty this weekend.

Classes continue to go somewhat better. It's a miracle. Cause I sure didn't do anything to change what was happening in there. No initiative. Their first book reports are due next week and I'm already behind in my grading and I'm concerned that I won't be able to get everything done before grades are due. Once again, no initiative.

"I keep wanting you to be fair, but that's not what you said. I want certain answers to these prayers, but that's not what you said." --Sara Groves

To tell the truth

I don't feel like doing much of anything these days. I'm tired and sad. I don't know what this is about because the weather is still nice and I'm getting outside quite a bit. I still feel sad about my grandpas dying. And maybe it's because I got no break between work and camp and work and the stress of a new school year and all that stuff. Who knows? In any case, yesterday I got asked to do three extra things, school related trip, decorating, classes, stuff like that. I broke down to one of the women who asked and just said I didn't have enough emotional energy for extras. The other two I just said no. I think it's good that I could say no. But maybe it's just selfishness. In any case, it's good that it's the weekend. And my classes were surprisingly a little better this week. I didn't feel as if the boys were making my life worse on purpose. I think that's a step in the right direction.

The thing is that I worry that if I'm feeling this way now, while the weather is good that I'll never make it through the winter. My anxiety is up. I can tell because my obsessive thoughts and counting are taking over. I'm not sleeping well. My desk and my house are a mess. Maybe my paranoia about winter is making it all worse. The thing is that I think God made me to feel my full range of emotions. But sometimes I get stuck too long in the valleys. In some ways I think it's a good thing. I believe my lows make me a more compassionate person. But sometimes I wonder if that's enough of a good thing to outweigh the crushing sadness.

And that's my truth for today.

things done over homeleave

Went to New York twice
Saw a show-not the best
Played a lot of hand and foot
Finished The Beet Queen by Louise Erdrich
Went to a Greek food festival
Ate Thai food in Lancaster
Went outlet mall shopping in Amish country
Had friends over for dinner (black bean soup and spinach-artichoke dip)
Tried to sleep in a lot
Watched a few movies
Did some house-cleaning
Didn't take any pictures

Title-less

Not a lot going on here...

There's testing this week, which gets in the way of my planning my classes, annoying, but, I suppose, necessary.

I seem to have either a cold or allergies. Can't tell which. Fun times.

Michael has Shingles. So apparently stress does effect him.

Homeleave starts a week from today, we're going to New York for half a day to see The Ritz, back on Broadway.

We have school again this Sunday, ugh.

And now a list of the some of the books I've read lately:

An Unquiet Mind - Kay Redfield Jamison
Personal History - Katharine Graham
How to Make an American Quilt - Whitney Otto
The Double Bind - Chris Bohjalian
All Over But the Shoutin' - Rick Bragg
A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Housseni
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim - David Sedaris

The End

Oh, the things they say...

So the other day I went to the business office to procure some mini post-it notes. There was a new student working there. Let's call him Bill. (Yes, I know his real name.) Anyway, I had introduced myself to him about two days before, so I said, "Hey Bill, can I get some little post-it notes?" Bill said, "Are they for you or a teacher?"

I informed him that I am a teacher. Anyway, I bring this up because it happens disturbingly often and I don't know whether I should take it as a compliment or not. On the one hand there's the fact that lots of people think I look young enough to be a high school student. On the other hand there's the fact that lots of people think I look young enough to be a high school student. I think you know what I mean.

Is it because of things like this?

Clip, clip

We're back from Senior Retreat. And instead of this being a long holiday weekend we had school on Sunday and Monday. Boarding academy... I guess maybe this is what Labor Day is really about--hard work. Anyway, Tuesday was Fall Picnic. So generally a lot of running around and class spirit. Also, I got my hair cut. I cut 3-4 inches off. And it feels fabulous. Every time I let my hair get longish and then cut it, I always wonder why I grew it out in the first place. Somebody remind me of this, please. Anyway, here are some pictures from a few moments ago. I forgot to bring the camera cable so I could show you the pictures I took last night when it was fresh, so these, from my computer will have to do.






Michael got a new laptop, which the school paid for half of, so he's really excited about that. We've been playing Age of Empires next to each other. (By the way, we're big nerds.) So that's what's going on here, busy with work, but life is good.

Oh, yeah...

Here's a picture of the hole I made in the tire. Remember? With the huge pothole in Indiana. Yeah.

Miscellany

In my attempt to become more Blake-ish, this year I'm starting my class with a (hopefully) thought-provoking quote. Today's was: "Much less evil would be done on earth if evil could not be done in the name of good" -- Marie Von Ebner Eschenbach. So I asked my students what they thought were some examples of evil done in the name of good. My first class I got some good responses. In my second class, the boys who are trying to convince me not to teach anymore mostly made fun of it. I understand the desire to be cool in front of your friends. I vaguely remember the horrors of high school. The emotional roller coaster, the hormonal disaster that is a teenager. I also remember the class ahead of mine being unduly cruel to their teachers. Their goal being to get Mrs. C to cry every day in class and to get Mr. H to resign. Both of them ended up only teaching for that one year. At the time I thought it was pretty awful of them, but also a little funny. Now I just want to cry for them and a little for me.

My first class generally goes well and the students pay attention and participate. Ideal. Second class, I have one student who continually roams the classroom. Every time he makes a comment he wants to do so from the front of the room. And he wants to make a lot of comments. I have other students who read very slowly on purpose. I'm not sure what the purpose is, other than to frustrate me and maybe get a few laughs(?). Honestly, I don't get it.

In other news, we're already planning our first homeleave. Planning on going to New York and seeing a show, eating Chipotle. (For those of you in Lincoln, you don't know how lucky you are to be in such close proximity to such deliciousness.) There will probably be cheesecake involved. We were thinking about spending the night, but the hostels (not hotels, hostels) start at $62 a night. To get a decent hotel room, with a shared bathroom, you'll pay more than $175 a night. That's a bit steep for us. Manhattan's quite pricy. In any case, I'm excited.

Also, in case you didn't know, the never-ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden started yesterday. Go henceforth and eat lots of pasta.

Also, we're going on Senior Retreat at the end of this week... hoping for good times, hoping there is no hurricane coming through, like last year, and that it's not too hot.

For your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of me in my office, five minutes ago. That's right, my computer takes pictures. Sucka.



Amen.

The things students say... (ripped off title from Carissa)

"Do I have to spell correctly in my journal?"

Since this came from a notoriously sarcastic student, I'm thinking... well, don't go out of your way to spell incorrectly.

(And yes, I'm pretty sure I was a notoriously sarcastic student in my days too...)

Etc.

This is Michael and me at the end-of-summer camp staff party.


Me, my cousin Naomi, Kirk and Christa at Clear Lake, a place my dad visited a lot as a kid in Indiana or Michigan. I'm not sure whether we crossed the border or not.


Me, Kirk and Christa at our Grandpa's funeral.


Christa, me, Mom and Michael at home when they visited in March.


Christa and me when we went to see the Lion King on Broadway.

Randomness from the past year...

This is Shelby. She's not always this calm.



She's usually more like this.



This is the siblings plus spouses last Christmas.



This is during one of the spring break trips to New York. I'll let you guess where we are.



This was a January trip to New York. It was about 17 degrees, plus if you've ever been to New York you know what the wind is like. Oh my word. So I tried to take a shot without the flash. But I was very cold. Hard to keep the camera still. I thought it was cool anyway.

While I was gone...

I got the sweet MacBook that I'm currently typing on. Woohoo! (which also means that my computer is no longer too slow for my camera -- pictures to follow soon.)

School started back. My class begins tomorrow. I have 24 students in one class and 30 (30!!) in the other.

My other grandfather died. He started out with prostate cancer, then it moved to his bones, before it was detected. Then a couple weeks ago it moved to his liver and he died about a week later. It was sad. I didn't get to go to the funeral, which was near Lincoln, which made it sadder that I couldn't go because then I could have seen friends too. Alas, one can only do so many things, and apparently go to so many funerals in one year.

Two days later, my great-grandmother, his mother, died. She was 99. She'd been out of it so long that they didn't even bother to tell her that her son had died, so that wasn't the cause. Maybe it was a coincidence, but I don't know if I believe in those.

Camp ended, I got sick, stayed that was for most of three weeks and we got home safely.

Life is still good. Just tinted a little with sadness right now.

On a sidenote...

Something interesting I learned while with my family last weekend: my uncle met my aunt while buying shrooms. From her.

Ah, yes. What a good Adventist family we are.

Anyway, the funeral went well. Noone had to lie about all the good things they said about grandpa. My brother mentioned that he couldn't remember a single bad memory of grandpa. No loss of temper, no gossip about someone, no unkind word. That's a pretty amazing testament to his life.

Also, on the way up I got my first flat tire. If I had my camera I would show you the huge hole in the tire. I could fit my fist into it easily. I hit a huge pothole in the middle of I-65. That wasn't nerve-wracking at all. The huge semis rushing by at about 75 mph. Two feet between me and them. Can't get further over because of the guardrail. Fun times.

Update

My grandfather died last night. My first biological grandparent to go. I'll be going up to Napanee, Indiana on Thursday and coming back on Sunday. I appreciate prayers, etc.

Time's fun...

Two weeks left of camp. Then a week until staff meetings start all over again. Somethings that I notice about camp that are different now from when I worked here four years ago: I'm bothered by the lack of personal time and space. Even at boarding academy, most days I get off at five and have a few hours to myself. (This is not true for Michael, but that is partially his choice.) I miss my own cooking. The camp food hasn't even been that bad, but I miss vegetables (the unfrozen kind) and well-seasoned food. And actually, I miss cooking itself. I miss time with my husband. Time for each other is rare at best. Even on days off.

But camp is also good. What would I do with two months off to do nothing? Probably just spend way too much money. Or maybe go to Europe. Whatever.

So my grandma is officially moved into the locked dementia unit of an assisted living facility. Mom and Christa went down for two weeks to help with the packing and such. However, Mom accidentally fell through the attic and (luckily) only (very badly) sprained her foot/ankle. And there was a lot of bruising on one side of her body. But now, a month later, the bottom of her foot is almost flat again. Instead of rounded out like a beach ball. Her fall was broken partially by a ladder and partially by a filing cabinet. Which were good things, because she fell over the garage=cement floor.

Mom brought home a lot of Grandma's stuff and we divided it among ourselves. Which seemed like a very strange thing to do before she dies. It was also really emotional. Basically, it sucked.

So that's the summary of my summer so far. I can't imagine that I'll be ready to teach in four weeks. (Eek!) However, I ran into an old friend of mine who is an English teacher, and she gave me a lot of great tips, so I feel greatly encouraged. And when I was talking with her, I actually felt excited. So what does that mean?

How did this happen?

So lately I've been finding pure white hairs attached to my head. These are not gray, nor blond. They are white. It started happening last December when I was enmeshed in grading plagiarized papers and dealing with them, etc. So first I just thought they were stress-induced. But they continue to come. Maybe they were originally stress-induced but now my head has realized that it's easier to put out white hairs than to go to all the trouble of making them brown. In any case, I pull them out. My only concern is that I can't see the back of my head and there could be lots back there that I don't know about at all.

When did I get to be an adult? Someone should have consulted me about this before letting it happen.

Short update

So it's been awhile. Camp is in full swing. Things are good. We celebrated our second anniversary yesterday. We actually left camp for a couple hours and found a Thai restaurant in Cookeville. Who knew Cookeville would have a Thai restaurant? Anyway, it was pretty good, but not fabulous. And it was nice to have time together, because that's something that is sparse around here.

Being secretary keeps me pretty busy. Lots of making phone calls and faxes and making lists. Michael is busy too, but we're both enjoying camp.

So that's what's going on. Just camp stuff. We're alive, although very tired. And we finally got some rain yesterday, which was a huge blessing because it has been dry like butt here. I've never seen the lake this low in June. Maybe August or September. Definitely not June.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you people who may still be checking here for news.

And so it goes

Tomorrow we leave PA for TN. I'm excited. You know, between exhaustion and insanity. I've been so busy with staff meetings and finishing grades and replacing lost items that I haven't had time to pack or do laundry. Yesterday I realized that I would need to get something to put my things in. Since my trusty duffel bag, which I received for eighth grade graduation, was stolen. And that was pretty much the only luggage I owned. Sure Michael has some, but I don't like suitcases. So I went to TJ Maxx and got a new duffel bag. It's not as big. And it doesn't have as many pockets. And I don't like it as much. But it does have wheels. So there is an upside.

I like shopping. But shopping to replace things that you already owned is not as fun. I'm standing in the store, looking at the jeans I bought three days before and thinking, "Do I really want to buy these again? Do I have a choice, since those were the only jeans that fit me?" Yeah. Not as fun. Same with shorts, shirts, shampoo and conditioner, make up, curling iron, hair dryer... you get the idea. I have a lot of stuff that looks like stuff I used to have.

We have a thousand dollar deductible on our renters' insurance. So no luck there. But I'm past the anger and on to the acceptance. Yep, it sucks, but you should have a bathing suit. Even if you already bought this bathing suit a month ago.

Anyway, I live in America and never had to seriously worry about where my next meal was coming from, so I'm fat and rich. And this is not the end of the world.

So staff meetings are basically done, we gather for worship tomorrow and say adios and hit the road. But first I must conduct an inventory of the library (yes, that includes counting every book), and cleaning up and doing whatever it takes for me to feel okay about being gone for two months. Then the long drive and staff week officially starts Sunday.

That's what she said.

Apparently being a sponsor on senior class trip involves:

A. Not getting much sleep because you have to check all the kiddies into their rooms every night and then go hunt down the ones that aren't in their rooms. Then you have to wake up early to be at the bus to go on the excursion of the day. My body cannot handle this anymore, which explains why I'm sick now.

B. Getting your luggage stolen because you were trying to give out room assignments and keys. Therefore, at a great cost to yourself, you must replace all your clothes, toiletries, cosmetics, underwear, swimsuits, etc. So this vacation turned out to be much more expensive than anticipated. And I lost some of my favorite clothes. I cried about it and now I'm going shopping with money I shouldn't be spending. And they don't even pay me to be a sponsor.

C. An otherwise pretty good time. Busch Gardens was fun and I enjoyed the roller coasters a lot. As always.


Now comes graduation. And inventory of everything in the library. That's a whole lot of book counting. And grading the rest of my students' papers. And staff meetings.

I'm tired.

Oh, what's the point?

We got yearbooks today. Mine has my name engraved on a little metal plaque. It looks really cool. And they told me that only special people get their names on plaques. So I felt special. I squealed a little. Now I want to ask my workers to sign my yearbook, but it seems to juvenile. Maybe Michael will sign mine.

Speaking of Michael, he was born 24 years ago today. He actually doesn't want people to call him. Seriously, he told me this earlier today. So maybe email him. My point is: I love him and he's awesome and he's a great husband. For instance: he always does the dishes for me because he knows I hate it. Even though he hates it too. And he's really patient with me when I'm crazy and neurotic, which happens a lot. Like yesterday I had a little anxiety attack and huddled under a blanket for a few minutes and cried. And Michael just calmly made me a sandwich so that at least I wouldn't be hungry when I was done with my panic attack. So those are just two of the things that make Michael wonderful to me. I'm sure you have your own reasons for loving him. There are many. Pick one and email him about it. Or just email him to say hello.

In other news, I taught my last class yesterday. It was a very exciting moment. Now I just have 40 some papers to grade and I'm done! And I failed someone. That was like an adult moment. Let them be responsible for cheating and not turning in their work all semester. Not be nice and let them pass when they don't deserve it. I wasn't a pushover. I feel a little proud about it and a little horrified. Last week I stood up to some parents who called and wanted me to change their daughter's grade just because she was sad about it. And I stood my ground. I was proud of myself. But when I write it all down like this I think I sound like a horrible person. Still, it felt good not to get steam-rolled over.

On Sunday we leave for Virginia Beach. Should be an exciting time. Busch Gardens and the beach and a dinner cruise and all sorts of merriment. Or something. We'll see. Then graduation, staff meetings and heading south for the summer. Items are being checked off the list, slowly but surely.

Amen.

Nothing at all

So there's a lot of stuff going on here, but not a lot to tell about. It's like in high school when your teachers gave you busy work just to keep you quiet. (Something I hated, but now, I'm pretty sure I do it.)

Basically, Michael and I are running around keeping busy, with nothing much to show for it.

We had spring picnic this week, so a lot of the kids are more colorful than I have seen them before. Particularly in shades of red and pink.

We're going to this leadership summit for the weekend at CUC or somewhere near there. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details. I'm not sure what all it entails, but I know Ben Carson is speaking, which I think is very cool. Also, we had to buy another sleeping bag because we only had one and who knows where we'll be "sleeping". I don't think there will actually be a lot of rest. But who knows, I could happily be proved wrong.

There is lots of grading going on. And I only have two more days of classes. I am unreasonably happy about that. I'm going to try to not have my classes held while I'm away on senior class trip. Because I'd really just show a video anyway, and the students would rather stay in bed, and I'd rather not appear to be an amateur. So maybe no one has to know... We'll see.

We graduated two years ago. I don't know how that happened. Time's flown by so fast. And soon we'll be celebrating our two year anniversary. I don't know how that happened either. I want time to slow down a bit so that I can remember everything and not get old and sick and die.

Which leads into my other topic: my grandma is not doing well. She fell twice last week and didn't remember it. Broke her clavicle, had to go to the hospital. Didn't know where she was or why she was there. She's in a rehab center now but will almost certainly never live on her own again. It's just horrible to watch her diminish and die. Basically. When she was admitted to the hospital the doctor asked what her diagnosis was and how long it had been since she was diagnosed. My aunt told him it had been more than a year and he was surprised because most people with her diagnosis die within 18 months. So it looks as though we may be near the end. I can't remember her diagnosis, but it's similar to Alzheimer's, but much faster, and you lose control of some automatic functions, like swallowing, so many people with the disease die from choking or suffocation. And that's awful. So if you could keep her and my aunt, especially, in your prayers, I would appreciate it. Just for peace and for maybe some lucid days to help everyone cope.

Excuses, excuses

So it's been school spirit week here. Which was really just an excuse for me to wear jeans to work. So let it be said, so let it be done. When I was in academy, I never thought about whether or not my teachers wanted to wear jeans everyday. Now I know. Some of us do, and some of us would rather wear a suit and tie every day and also, make all the students wear suits and ties. Well, not the girls. They should be made to wear turtlenecks and skirts down to their toes. Guess which category I'm in?

The weather has been fantastic. Mid to upper sixties. It's good to wear jeans and short sleeves, which is perfect. I'm not yet quite ready for summer. Maybe because winter was brutal and lasted so long, I just want something between the two extremes. Lots of things are blooming, lilacs have just started. They are amazing.

All kinds of busyness is going on here. Last weekend: alumni. This weekend: homeshows for all touring groups. Next weekend: leadership summit. The following weekend we leave on Senior class trip. The following weekend: graduation. The following weekend: we drive to Tennessee to start camp on June 2nd.

When I look at that schedule I want to cry, but I know I'll get everything done. One way or another. Most likely by avoidance, procrastination, then panic. That is how I trained myself to deal with stress.

An awesome thing: I only have five more classes to teach this year. Amazing. I don't know how this happened, but I love the A/B day schedule.

The end.

Confession

Last night Leslie called me. I looked at my cellphone and didn't recognize the number so I didn't pick it up because I didn't want to take another student to Taco Bell. So as I listened to the voice message, I panicked because it was Leslie calling me. And I accidentally pushed delete in my rush to try to call her back. But my phone hadn't saved her number because I opened the phone to look at the number then closed the phone without answering the call. And when I do that my phone doesn't save the number. I was stupefied (or just stupid). I screamed "NO!" all Monica-esque when she accidentally recorded her message as the outgoing message on Richard's answering machine. (You know what I'm talking about?) Then I wept silently because I missed the call because of my own retardedness. And because I miss Leslie. So I hope Leslie reads this and gets a laugh and someday tries to call me again.