And so it goes

Tomorrow we leave PA for TN. I'm excited. You know, between exhaustion and insanity. I've been so busy with staff meetings and finishing grades and replacing lost items that I haven't had time to pack or do laundry. Yesterday I realized that I would need to get something to put my things in. Since my trusty duffel bag, which I received for eighth grade graduation, was stolen. And that was pretty much the only luggage I owned. Sure Michael has some, but I don't like suitcases. So I went to TJ Maxx and got a new duffel bag. It's not as big. And it doesn't have as many pockets. And I don't like it as much. But it does have wheels. So there is an upside.

I like shopping. But shopping to replace things that you already owned is not as fun. I'm standing in the store, looking at the jeans I bought three days before and thinking, "Do I really want to buy these again? Do I have a choice, since those were the only jeans that fit me?" Yeah. Not as fun. Same with shorts, shirts, shampoo and conditioner, make up, curling iron, hair dryer... you get the idea. I have a lot of stuff that looks like stuff I used to have.

We have a thousand dollar deductible on our renters' insurance. So no luck there. But I'm past the anger and on to the acceptance. Yep, it sucks, but you should have a bathing suit. Even if you already bought this bathing suit a month ago.

Anyway, I live in America and never had to seriously worry about where my next meal was coming from, so I'm fat and rich. And this is not the end of the world.

So staff meetings are basically done, we gather for worship tomorrow and say adios and hit the road. But first I must conduct an inventory of the library (yes, that includes counting every book), and cleaning up and doing whatever it takes for me to feel okay about being gone for two months. Then the long drive and staff week officially starts Sunday.

That's what she said.

Apparently being a sponsor on senior class trip involves:

A. Not getting much sleep because you have to check all the kiddies into their rooms every night and then go hunt down the ones that aren't in their rooms. Then you have to wake up early to be at the bus to go on the excursion of the day. My body cannot handle this anymore, which explains why I'm sick now.

B. Getting your luggage stolen because you were trying to give out room assignments and keys. Therefore, at a great cost to yourself, you must replace all your clothes, toiletries, cosmetics, underwear, swimsuits, etc. So this vacation turned out to be much more expensive than anticipated. And I lost some of my favorite clothes. I cried about it and now I'm going shopping with money I shouldn't be spending. And they don't even pay me to be a sponsor.

C. An otherwise pretty good time. Busch Gardens was fun and I enjoyed the roller coasters a lot. As always.


Now comes graduation. And inventory of everything in the library. That's a whole lot of book counting. And grading the rest of my students' papers. And staff meetings.

I'm tired.

Oh, what's the point?

We got yearbooks today. Mine has my name engraved on a little metal plaque. It looks really cool. And they told me that only special people get their names on plaques. So I felt special. I squealed a little. Now I want to ask my workers to sign my yearbook, but it seems to juvenile. Maybe Michael will sign mine.

Speaking of Michael, he was born 24 years ago today. He actually doesn't want people to call him. Seriously, he told me this earlier today. So maybe email him. My point is: I love him and he's awesome and he's a great husband. For instance: he always does the dishes for me because he knows I hate it. Even though he hates it too. And he's really patient with me when I'm crazy and neurotic, which happens a lot. Like yesterday I had a little anxiety attack and huddled under a blanket for a few minutes and cried. And Michael just calmly made me a sandwich so that at least I wouldn't be hungry when I was done with my panic attack. So those are just two of the things that make Michael wonderful to me. I'm sure you have your own reasons for loving him. There are many. Pick one and email him about it. Or just email him to say hello.

In other news, I taught my last class yesterday. It was a very exciting moment. Now I just have 40 some papers to grade and I'm done! And I failed someone. That was like an adult moment. Let them be responsible for cheating and not turning in their work all semester. Not be nice and let them pass when they don't deserve it. I wasn't a pushover. I feel a little proud about it and a little horrified. Last week I stood up to some parents who called and wanted me to change their daughter's grade just because she was sad about it. And I stood my ground. I was proud of myself. But when I write it all down like this I think I sound like a horrible person. Still, it felt good not to get steam-rolled over.

On Sunday we leave for Virginia Beach. Should be an exciting time. Busch Gardens and the beach and a dinner cruise and all sorts of merriment. Or something. We'll see. Then graduation, staff meetings and heading south for the summer. Items are being checked off the list, slowly but surely.

Amen.

Nothing at all

So there's a lot of stuff going on here, but not a lot to tell about. It's like in high school when your teachers gave you busy work just to keep you quiet. (Something I hated, but now, I'm pretty sure I do it.)

Basically, Michael and I are running around keeping busy, with nothing much to show for it.

We had spring picnic this week, so a lot of the kids are more colorful than I have seen them before. Particularly in shades of red and pink.

We're going to this leadership summit for the weekend at CUC or somewhere near there. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details. I'm not sure what all it entails, but I know Ben Carson is speaking, which I think is very cool. Also, we had to buy another sleeping bag because we only had one and who knows where we'll be "sleeping". I don't think there will actually be a lot of rest. But who knows, I could happily be proved wrong.

There is lots of grading going on. And I only have two more days of classes. I am unreasonably happy about that. I'm going to try to not have my classes held while I'm away on senior class trip. Because I'd really just show a video anyway, and the students would rather stay in bed, and I'd rather not appear to be an amateur. So maybe no one has to know... We'll see.

We graduated two years ago. I don't know how that happened. Time's flown by so fast. And soon we'll be celebrating our two year anniversary. I don't know how that happened either. I want time to slow down a bit so that I can remember everything and not get old and sick and die.

Which leads into my other topic: my grandma is not doing well. She fell twice last week and didn't remember it. Broke her clavicle, had to go to the hospital. Didn't know where she was or why she was there. She's in a rehab center now but will almost certainly never live on her own again. It's just horrible to watch her diminish and die. Basically. When she was admitted to the hospital the doctor asked what her diagnosis was and how long it had been since she was diagnosed. My aunt told him it had been more than a year and he was surprised because most people with her diagnosis die within 18 months. So it looks as though we may be near the end. I can't remember her diagnosis, but it's similar to Alzheimer's, but much faster, and you lose control of some automatic functions, like swallowing, so many people with the disease die from choking or suffocation. And that's awful. So if you could keep her and my aunt, especially, in your prayers, I would appreciate it. Just for peace and for maybe some lucid days to help everyone cope.

Excuses, excuses

So it's been school spirit week here. Which was really just an excuse for me to wear jeans to work. So let it be said, so let it be done. When I was in academy, I never thought about whether or not my teachers wanted to wear jeans everyday. Now I know. Some of us do, and some of us would rather wear a suit and tie every day and also, make all the students wear suits and ties. Well, not the girls. They should be made to wear turtlenecks and skirts down to their toes. Guess which category I'm in?

The weather has been fantastic. Mid to upper sixties. It's good to wear jeans and short sleeves, which is perfect. I'm not yet quite ready for summer. Maybe because winter was brutal and lasted so long, I just want something between the two extremes. Lots of things are blooming, lilacs have just started. They are amazing.

All kinds of busyness is going on here. Last weekend: alumni. This weekend: homeshows for all touring groups. Next weekend: leadership summit. The following weekend we leave on Senior class trip. The following weekend: graduation. The following weekend: we drive to Tennessee to start camp on June 2nd.

When I look at that schedule I want to cry, but I know I'll get everything done. One way or another. Most likely by avoidance, procrastination, then panic. That is how I trained myself to deal with stress.

An awesome thing: I only have five more classes to teach this year. Amazing. I don't know how this happened, but I love the A/B day schedule.

The end.

Confession

Last night Leslie called me. I looked at my cellphone and didn't recognize the number so I didn't pick it up because I didn't want to take another student to Taco Bell. So as I listened to the voice message, I panicked because it was Leslie calling me. And I accidentally pushed delete in my rush to try to call her back. But my phone hadn't saved her number because I opened the phone to look at the number then closed the phone without answering the call. And when I do that my phone doesn't save the number. I was stupefied (or just stupid). I screamed "NO!" all Monica-esque when she accidentally recorded her message as the outgoing message on Richard's answering machine. (You know what I'm talking about?) Then I wept silently because I missed the call because of my own retardedness. And because I miss Leslie. So I hope Leslie reads this and gets a laugh and someday tries to call me again.

The latest

Avenue Q was hilarious. And inappropriate. And hilarious. Picture me laughing with my mouth wide open in shock at some of the things they said (and did). Oh my word. My favorite song: Everyone's a Little Bit Racist Sometimes

Also, New York cheesecake was, again, amazing.

I think I would like to live in New York for about a month and a half. Get to see everything I want to see and then get the heck out of there before global warming floods Manhattan. (I might even venture into Brooklyn if I lived there for awhile.)

In other happenings: it's beautiful here. I feel so happy all the time because it's warm outside and it's wonderful to be not in the house. I feel like a better person when it's nice outside. Also, the trees are starting to get green on the mountain. Right now it's just the trees at the bottom of the mountain. Ground level. The ones up higher are still looking winterish and drab. Grape Hyacinth are growing randomly in my backyard. Just all over the place. Noone could have planted them there. They're just there. And it makes me happy. I saw tulips blooming today. And the blooming trees are all blooming. I feel full.

Coming soon: alumni weekend. I am not looking forward to this. I think they should hold it somewhere else. Rent a big room somewhere. As it is, we have a lot of cleaning and preparing to do in the library (and everywhere else) this week. Bleh. Still, not annoying enough to keep me from feeling happy about life in general and the weather in specific.

News

I'm posting two days in a row. There must be something wrong, right?

Actually, not at all. We just found out that the school that we were supposed to interview at filled the position without interviewing Michael or calling to tell us that they'd filled the position. So we're staying here. And I feel really good about it. I've just kind of been in limbo for a month or more, not knowing how much I should commit to students and staff here and feeling stressed about it. Then the other school was unprofessional and inconsiderate and I feel happy about staying. So there's relief.

I'm glad because I'll be able to keep going to Broadway shows. I'll be able to make relationships for more than one year, so there's a good possibility for better friendships. I'm glad because I like the students here. (At least most of the time.) I'm glad because I like the administration. There are lots of good things. (I'm ignoring the weather, for the time being.) And I'm glad because I'll get to spend the summer near my family anyway. I'm glad because I'll sleep better now, without that hanging over my head.

That, my friend, is what you call closure.

That which is up

There's snow today. When I looked out the window this morning, the top half of the mountain was white. The bottom half was brown. I was drawn to stare at it like you do when there's an accident on the road. It was terrible to see, but I couldn't look away. Now there's this wet snow blowing in my ears whenever I go outside. I can't see the mountain anymore because of the clouds.

Other than that, things are pretty good. Friday night we went to a Jars of Clay concert, for which Burlap to Cashmere opened. That was my favorite part. And the encore for Jars of Clay was good. They sang quite a few old songs, which are the ones I know anyway. Another band played inbetween. Need To Breathe. Never heard of them. And I still don't know what they sing because they were so loud that I couldn't understand any of the words.

Sunday I ventured out to the outlet malls in Lancaster. Banana Republic, Gap, Skechers, Nine West, J. Crew, Pottery Barn and many, many more. And all I bought were some Harry & David truffles and a gift for my mother-in-law.

I'm looking forward to time off soon and catching up on sleep and maybe cleaning my house. Probably playing games with friends. So good times, basically.

And there's always tomorrow...

Today is better. I don't know why. But it is and I'm grateful. Yesterday when I woke up and realized that I had to teach I almost cried. But then, miraculously, they were quieter than normal, and listened better and did the things I asked (for the most part, they're not angels, after all). I think it was God's prodding, saying, don't give up yet. You still have more than a month to go.

It started snowing last Thursday and snowed on and off through Sunday. Fortunately, for my mental health, it didn't stick. If it had, we would have had quite a bit of snow on the ground because it really snowed a lot. At least it seemed to.

I remember last Easter Sunday laying on our water bed because the heating mechanism wasn't working and it was the only semi-cool place in our house. (It was more than 80 degrees and the air conditioning wasn't working. Also, we lived in a trailer, so the insulation was non-existent.) This year snow. Makes you think they're onto something with all that climate change talk.

Sadly, we're not going to make it out to Union next week as we had hoped. Plane tickets went up into the $350 range. And since we just paid about a thousand dollars in taxes, that's a bit out of our reach right now. So instead I found discounted tickets to see Avenue Q on Broadway next Thursday. Just to cheer us up. It won't make up for missing out on seeing all our friends, for sure.

And the allergies are here. I've had two migraines in the last four days. And I just have a little headache on the verge right now. It's not bad yet, and I have the Advil in my purse, just in case. Also, the phlegm has been constantly in the back of my throat for more than a week. All this and no flowers because it's too damn cold. Pennsylvania (or global warming) is toying with my emotions.

We hope to have news soon about an interview somewhere south of here. So keep that in prayer, if you don't mind. We don't know whether we want to go or not, but it's definitely something that's on our minds.

Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to be published.

Meh

Sorry for the general lack of posting. I've been feeling particularly uninspired. Except to vent about the frustrations of my job, which I don't really want to dwell on in my cyber life, since I already dwell on it in real life. Ben has born the brunt of my exasperation by email in any case.

So it's been quite warm here lately, it got up to 70 yesterday. I sat on the concrete slab in front of our house yesterday just to try to be happy by osmosis from the sun's rays. I don't know if that's what did it or not, but I slept better last night than I have in weeks... maybe months.

I've been trying to remember, in my days of anxiety, that God put me here, specifically, for a reason, and as long as I'm doing my best and relying on Him that He'll work it out. Still, I get angry at my workers when they don't do their work and then I have to do it instead. I get angry when my students are disrespectful in class. I get angry, just basically, when things aren't going my way. How self-centered am I? I am, theoretically, an adult, and should have learned by now that things rarely go the way I want them to go and that really, it's time to get over myself.

Anyway, it leads to me being stressed and not sleeping well. I've had some crazy dreams lately. I've had dreams with people in them that I haven't seen in months or years. People I haven't thought about in months or years. Really vivid dreams. You'd think I'm on drugs or something. And every time this happens I wonder if it's some kind of prompt from God. Should I be praying for them when I wake up from a dream about them? Is this some subliminal kinship? Or am I just on the fritz?

The bad news is that it's supposed to snow this weekend. Which made me cry a little this morning. I really thought we were done now. I've been seeing the piles of snow in the parking lots shrink and turn darker. And rejoicing with their death. If it snows again, I feel like a piece of the joyful me is just going to give up and disappear forever.

I know, I'm overly despondent and dramatic today. I even annoy myself with all the complaining I do. Probably tomorrow I'll be fine.

Random

It's about 75 degrees today. A miracle. I thought the warmth would never come. But daffodils and tulips and maybe crocus are peeking through the ground. Nature has proved my emotions wrong once again. I'm glad.

(Don't tell anyone I said this, but it actually feels a little too warm. Maybe just because I'm wearing pants and longish sleeves. We'll go with that.)

There's a Union recruiter here today and it makes me think I should go for that guaranteed degree. It's free after all, and I love a bargain.

Some things that happened

Spring break was crazy. I went to New York four times and Philadelphia three times. One of the trips to Philadelphia we had to give up on because of a snow storm. We got there and turned around and went right back home. We saw about ten accidents on the way there and back. It's usually a three hour roundtrip, but it took more like six. So that was a barrel of fun. Michael also went to Gettysburg and Washington D.C. but I skipped those trips. One night my mom and Dino and I were in the Philadelphia airport until 2:00 am waiting for Christa to get in. So we didn't get home till 4:00 am. I saw the Daily Show with John Stewart and the Lion King on Broadway and Ellis Island (twice) (and found my great-grandfather's name on the wall) and the Statue of Liberty (twice). I went to Chinatown and Central Park (twice). Found a great little place to buy cheesecakes in New York (twice) and visited the largest mall east of the Mississippi in Philadelphia. Saw Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell. Christa and I led a last minute song service at church when the guy who was supposed to lead song service couldn't make it because of the foot of snow we got the day before. Most of the snow has melted now, but for a couple of days it was quite treacherous. Lots of cars getting stuck in snow banks and people towing us out.

Somehow I managed to grade all the papers that needed to be graded. And I'm getting really good at getting around on the subway in New York. My family was impressed. I've decided that maybe I should be a tour guide. An international tour guide. I'm good with maps and directions. Maybe that's my true calling. My spiritual gift.

Anyway, it's good to be back to my regular crazy schedule, as opposed to the irregular craziness of spring break. I need a vacation.

I should have known.

When I looked outside this morning and saw a fresh blanket of snow on the ground I should have known that today was not the day to have our taxes done. Alas, I didn't think it all through, so we went.

H&R Block says we owe $867.

That hurts.

How does this happen when you don't claim any deductions?

I was hoping with out tax refund to buy a computer, since neither of us currently own one. There goes that dream.

All because I didn't recognize God's warning sign to me: don't do anything of importance when it snows. You'll get screwed.

Because I haven't posted in awhile.

The snow is starting to melt. I'm afraid to say much about because last time I did, it snowed another six inches. I'm starting to imagine what it would be like for spring to be here. I think of green grass and things budding and trees leafing... Anything but white, grey and brown. I have more than enough of those colors. Ready for something new.

My family arrives for a visit a week from today. I'm excited. Also, next Tuesday we're going to go try to see the Daily Show again. This time we have VIP tickets and know how to get there. That should help. Maybe there will be more good Thai food.

Last Sunday I served ice cream to about 120 kids. My index finger, thumb and wrist finally feel better today.

I've been waking up approximately 30-40 times a night. I'm really tired. I'm at that point where lots of things are funny. It's not noon yet. I was that way in class this morning. Someone asked why it was so hot in the classroom and I pointed to myself. Then someone asked what the movie was about and I said, "Your mom." Out loud. In real life. To some inner-city kids. It's the sleep deprivation. The censors are turned off.

I melt

The high for today is 42, a temperature unheard of since the beginning of January. I'm hoping the foot high pile of ice blocking the path to the front door starts to melt. Right now, we're just asking for broken bones every time we enter or exit our abode.

I've read eight books so far this year. They are, in chronological order:

Love Me by Garrison Keillor
The Innocent Man by John Grisham
A Mighty Heart by Mariane Pearl
Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
All He Ever Wanted by Anita Shreve
Our Lady of the Forest by David Guterson
Storming Heaven by Denise Giardina
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt

I'm trying to keep up with a book a week. The one I'm starting today is Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. It won the Pulitzer Prize and I've been wanting to buy it for months. I'm excited.

We started a little public speaking in class. I thought I'd start off easy with a 2-3 minute reading. Sadly, no one in my classes listens so they all forgot about it and were just reading random passages from their textbooks. Not the most inspiring class period.

That's about it. I bought a gameboy advance used and am a little obsessed right now. It's really cutting into my reading time. And I'm not sleeping well. Which does not bode well for my mental health. Also, I changed my comment settings so I think it's easier to post comments now. See how I beg?

Happy Valentine's Day (Blizzard)

So lately blogger/my computer is letting publish comments, but not sign in. It was a long process to get to the point where I can write. Anyway...

So on Valentine's day we had some crazy weather. Actually, it started Tuesday night with lots of snow. Then around 8:30 that night it started with the sleet and freezing rain, which was weird since it was only about 10 degrees. You'd think at that temperature it would just be snow, but whatever. Anyway, the sleet carried on for awhile... pretty much all night and into the morning, then around 10 in the morning we basically had a white out which lasted till about one. Then just regular snow. The snow plow would go down the parking lot and back up and where they had just plowed it would be full of snow again. So of course salt and gravel weren't gonna do the trick. So all afternoon the power was flicking off and on.

We got our car stuck when we were coming back from the cafeteria after lunch. We thought it would be good to keep moving it so that it wouldn't get snowed in. It didn't work. At 4:30 I walked home in the 40-50 mile per hour wind. With drifts up to my knees on the road to our house. What was nice was that the snow in front of our house was so hard that neither my footprints nor the car's tiretracks sink in more than half an inch.

At seven the power went off for real. Which was too bad because that's when Michael started walking home from school. And supper was almost ready. Fortunately it was only out for about an hour, so we didn't freeze to death without the heat.

So I opened up an MSN article about the storm and cleanup this morning and sure enough, it was posted from Hamburg. Yeah. That's where we live. They closed 50 miles of the interstate that runs through town. They had blackhawk helicoptors and hummers bringing people food and fuel for about two days.

I don't think I ever got my car stuck in Nebraska... And we really only got about eight inches. It was just the crazy combination of precipitation that made all the mess. At least we got the backhoe to get our car out and now we can drive again, they got the snow drifts off the road.

Too bad they don't close boarding school for snow.

So that was our craziness of late.

*Door slams in face* Look, a window's open!

So last Wednesday we were supposed to go to the Daily Show in NYC. We were way excited. We got off work at 12:30, ran home and changed then drove to Newark, took a bus into the Port Authority and ran the 13 or so blocks (NYC blocks, not Lincoln blocks) to the show taping address. Sadly, we were a little late. They stopped giving tickets away two people in front of us. Even more sadly, for the people in front of us, they were from San Diego. It's harder to get to NYC from San Diego than from Pennsylvania.

We were really disappointed. Apparently they overbook every show by about 30 people so that they have every seat filled. The good news is that we get VIP tickets next time.

The fantastic news is that as we were walking along, lo and behold, we saw a sign for Wicked. If you don't know what Wicked is, then you shouldn't be my friend. Go look it up on Google or something. So we walked up to the box office and asked if they still had any seats for sale. We got 6th row orchestra seats. We could see the director's head. And little stick as he waved it around. It was fantastic. And awesome. And many good times were had by all (me and Michael). I love musicals. And though it was quite different from the book, they were singing and dancing, so that pretty much made up for it. We splurged a bit to get that close, but really, how often are we going to have this opportunity? I think it was a once in a lifetime chance, and we took it and we loved it.

The drive back at two in the morning was another thing altogether.

Oh yeah, we also found this great little Thai place about a block away from the show. They had nice big chunks of fresh vegetables in their food. And so tasty. No frozen vegetables. Wonderful.

Other than that, we had a good homeleave. We cleaned and played games and watched Veronica Mars. I'm trying to stay in the normal zone. Struggling, but it's been sunnier, so that helps.

Enjoyed the Superbowl last night. Go Peyton Manning. Yeehaw for Tennesseans!

Happy to Oblige

I'm pretty sure I've done this survey before, but it was on my other blog, and maybe I have new answers now. Plus I'm uninspired to write about anything else. By the way, my computer won't even let me look at other people's comments, much less comment myself. That explains my lack of commenting... What's your excuse?

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Print Shop Coordinator (bleh)
2. Lifeguard/Blob Director
3. Student writer/intern for Marketing Communications Department at UC
4. Switchboard Operator


Four Movies you would watch over and over:
1. The Music Man
2. Fiddler on the Roof
3. Benny and Joon
4. Beaches

Four Places you have lived:
1. Cortez, CO
2. Lexington, KY
3. Madison, TN
4. Hamburg, PA

Four of your favorite foods:
1. Chipotle Vegetarian Fajita Burrito... it's been so long
2. Green Spaghetti
3. Homemade pizza made by me
4. Ice cream

Places you’d rather be right now:
1. In bed. Maybe not my own bed because we're keeping our thermostat at 52.
2. Florida
3. My mom's house
4. Somewhere where the high today is more than 17 degrees, as it is here. Somewhere like Jamaica. Warm and exotic.

People I hope will respond by posting on their blogs:
1. Everyone I
2. know, I think
3. has already posted this, but in case they haven't
4. Justin

More bad gnus

Snow is in the forecast for the next three days. And it already snowed a little today. This also means it's cloudy. Again. And will continue to be so.

My work computer is too old and skanky to let me upload the pictures from my fancy shmancy camera. I don't own my own computer. Hence there will be no pictures of my life any time soon. Maybe after we get a tax refund we'll buy a computer.

We have school on Sunday. I think they should make the students go to school and monitor themselves. I don't want to teach. It should be illegal. At least classes start at 9:30. Otherwise, I would revolt.