Oops.

September slipped away without a post. Not sure how that happened. So to update you a little --
*We went to Justin and Shelli's wedding, which was fabulous and exhausting. It was good to be with old friends. And how did we get so old anyway? More people need to get married so that we can all get together more often.
*School has been somewhat all-consuming. I'm sitting in the classroom right now, waiting for class to get started. I briefed my first case, which was terrifying, and last week I had my first quiz. Hoping to get the (cross my fingers) good results back this week. There is a lot of reading and learning going on. And you can ask me all about intent and causation and I'll have some things to tell you. Along with Torts, Contracts and Crimes. Did you know that the burden of proof of "Beyond a Reasonable Doubt" is only applicable to criminal cases? I did not. Anyway, I'm working on outlining each class (sounds fun, right?) and keeping up with reading and briefs. And it seems never-ending.
*I went to Women's Retreat with my mom and sister, and was totally blessed.
*I came back home to a husband who loves me and shows it to me in a million ways and realized again how blessed I am to have him as my partner and teammate.
*Fall weather is (finally) here. I'm enjoying cooler temperatures and sweaters.
*And of course, there can't be fall weather without me getting nervous about winter, so that's going on too.
*I'm really enjoying being near my family. It's nice that it doesn't have to be a big deal to go over to my mom's house for supper or anything else, for that matter.
*We love our house. And are learning the joys and trials of homeownership. (Cutting down trees, fixing wet basements, decorating, etc.)
*I wrote two grants for work, and am working on a third.
*Patient numbers are steadily going up!

Those are the highlights I guess. I feel very busy, and ready for a homeleave, unfortunately those don't seem to occur outside of boarding academy. I'm feeling a little under the weather today, but it might just be allergies. I don't have time to be sick, so praying that will just go away. And my teacher is here now, so I'm going to go pay attention to class.

Waiting

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world. -George Bernard Shaw

I feel like checking out. Michael has been showing a lot of movies in class, and I'm trying to keep teaching relevant material and to remember that although I am frustrated and wish I weren't here right now, I have an obligation to do my best for my students. In other words, I'm trying to keep myself clean and bright.

Also, I get my LSAT results next Monday, and I've been anxious about it. I know that my anxiety serves no purpose, as I can do nothing to make my score better at this point, yet I've had nightmares about getting a 132. That would be horrible. But it is unlikely.

And as always, I'm trying to do the next right thing.

That's what my week is like.

Negligent blogger returns to cyberspace

I know. It's been awhile. I have the semi-excuse of the broken keyboard, but truth be told, I have a work computer and Michael's computer if I really wanted to blog. Also, I can't find my camera cord, so I can't post pictures. Which is irritating me. I know it's been missing for at least two months... but where could I have put it? I've turned the house upside down, but no luck. In any case, life here continues in it's usual busy, generally good way. It all feels more routine this year, and yet I'm busier than ever with Junior class sponsorship (ugh) and Business Math. We're starting to look for jobs in Nashville for after this school year. I'm anxious to move home, and unsure that God will allow me to do that.

Some other things that have happened lately: We went to Louisville and Nashville for Thanksgiving break. I helped Michael's mom do some wedding planning, (she's getting married at the end of March), and I was with my sister when she found "the dress", (she's getting married at the end of May).

We went and bought a Christmas tree at the tree farm down the road. I decorated it and am feeling especially jolly this week. I love Christmas ever so much. Strange, for a girl who hates winter so much. Maybe it's because Christmas makes winter seem more bearable.

I've been off birth-control for a few months now and feel like maybe my depression/anxiety/sluggishness is lifting. What if that were one of the big contributing factors all along and I never knew it? I've been on birth control since shortly before I started college because of the ovarian cysts... which is right around the time I started having serious problems. I'm trying not to think about those seven years of struggles, and yet hope that it could be true, so that it would maybe ease the struggle. And no, I'm not pregnant. But yes, someone asked me again last weekend at church. That was pure joy.

This year for Christmas, my family is going to Gatlinburg. This will be the first Christmas without Grandma, and my aunt and mom were finding it a little too difficult to try to do normal Christmas without her. We're very glad to have something to look forward to this year (Christa's wedding) instead of more death, like last year.

And lastly, for this post, I'm reading The Shack right now and I would like to recommend it to all of you. I'm finding it very mind-opening and hopeful. I'll try to be a better blog friend.

Goings on

It shouldn't be humanly possible to sleep as much as I have been lately. Between 10 and 12 hours a night. And I still wake up groggy and force myself not to take naps during the day, or go to bed at 8:30, which is when I want to go to bed. I hope it has more to do with my medication than my mental state. I've been slowly reducing the dosage on my antidepressant, and would like to go down a little more, but I'm afraid of impending doom if I go too low. Where is the line? The balance? I wish I knew. And also, I wish I knew whether last winter's disaster was just caused by the perfect storm of small contributing factors or whether this is something I should expect in my life. A few years of relative okay and then a year of horrendous disappointments? I guess there's only one way to find out. And having anxiety attacks about it in the meantime probably won't help. Okay, it definitely won't help.

So besides the enormous amounts of sleep, we started having pre-session meetings this week with our new principal. I like him. He's punctual, a quality I probably over-value in people. He's also into building staff relationships and he's fairly blunt. I like that. Also, he wants to pay me more. I like that. He came to me and said he was confused by my contract. I told him in the nicest way possible that I didn't think it was fair, but that I like working here, and that there are a lot of injustices in the world. He said that just because life isn't fait doesn't mean we shouldn't try to correct it. So to make a long story short, I may be making a lot more money this year. I'm excited about that.

Also, I agreed to teach one section of Business Math this year. Because I have lost my mind. And Michael's and my schedules overlap this year, so I can't have any breakdowns because he won't be able to sub for me. So here's hoping that last winter's difficulties will stay in last winter and not infect this one. Because as nice as it is to have a husband who is willing to teach for you when you can't get out of bed, it's even nicer if he doesn't have to do that for you.

And to assist in that, I painted my office a light green. The plummy-mauve was killing me. It wasn't enough that it was cold and gray outside, I had to have a dreary hole to work in? No more! Light green-a color that exists in nature, that might brighten my mood on some dark days. That's the hope, at least.

A couple weeks ago I got bored, so we made a trip down south and saw first Michael's family, then spent a day at camp and remembered how good it is to be with best friends, then spent a few days with my family. The house that I was dreaming about sold, so I'll have to find a new house to dream about, I guess. We're still tentatively planning to move to Nashville after this school year. Of course we want to follow God's plan, so we're planning with hope that this is God's plan.

Students arrive next Friday. Registration on Sunday. School starts Monday. The nightmares have begun. It's the initial plunge that's painful. By October I should be fine.

I finished four books this week. But no lesson plans.

Confession

I really enjoy angry white chick country music.

I like to think of myself as a Christian pacifist. And I'm happily married. And yet there's something about singing about that jerk of a man who treated me wrong. Singing it loud and with gusto. Does this mean there is something inherently wrong with me? Or do most women feel this way? Oh well, guilty pleasure, right?

Currently listening to: Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood.